hilariouse cullen goodness
by Bella Alice Rose
Summary: just what the tital says a colection of hilariouse one shots starring the cullens! emmett has an idea pranks a drunk bella! answer the cookie question on the end of each chapter and you will be in it too!
1. Emmett's idea

AN. Well I had paper and I had to write a short story for school and well if u know me I LOVE Emmett and Jasper and well I had certain words that I had to use and that day my unique brain said "lets do sumtin funnay!" well my mind is so unique that I talk to immanent objects and unlike Bella in Eclipse they talk back. I also have a ghost haunting me and my psychiatrist is a stuffed dog named dr. Pink. So this is probably going to be a collections of hilarious Cullen goodness.

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Me pov.

Well today Emmett got bored and got an idea. Well his ideas are never usually sane and neither are his actions….just like me. So onto the story.

"Rosie Please come it'll be fun!" Emmett cried on his knees with his hands clasped together.

"oh fine." she finally sighed exasperated looking at her nails getting bored and frustrated with her psychotic, obnoxious husband.

"Thank you Rosie!" Emmett exclaimed kissing her on her cheek and grabbed her hand pulling her towards his car. Rosalie sighed and reluctantly followed.

With Emmett loudly singing along with the radio and his fast driving they arrived at the base ball stadium within 20 minutes.

Emmett got out of the car and pulled Rose up to the stand to buy tickets.

Once they bought their tickets and got settled into their seats the game began.

After 7 hit the ball Rosalie looked beside her and noticed that Emmett was gone. She sighed and started filing her nails.

A little bit later Emmett sat next to her. She looked at him to see he was eating a pretzel!

"Emmett you idiot you know we don't eat." Rosalie whispered to low for any human to hear.

"I know but it just looked so good." he said stuffing the whole thing in his mouth. "Eww! That was not good!" he cried trying to cough it back up. "Gross." Rose muttered.

A few minutes later Emmett left again and Rosalie heard a kid say "hey! Give that back! That is mine!" then she heard Emmett say "nuh uh! I found it!"

Rosalie walked over to see Emmett holding a bounce ball above his head in front of a short little 8 year old boy who was trying to jump up and get it.

"give it back!" The little boy whined still jumping up and get the ball.

"Finder's keepers, losers wheepers!" Emmett said in a sing song voice.

Just then the boy's father went up to Emmett and Emmett started running away from the boys father as fast as humanly possible.

After a little bit Emmett was trapped by the boys father and a brick wall, so he couldn't get away with out exposing us so he looked around and then looked at the ball and the boy's father started closing in then Emmett stuffed the ball into his mouth and swallowed it! "Ha ha! Now you can't have it!" he cried.

The man grabbed his son and walked away and muttered "creep."

Emmett grabbed Rosalie's hand and dragged her back to their seats.

"After a lot of loud yelling and some complaints from the bystanders the game was over and much to Emmett's disappointment the Mets won.

Then with out a reason 10 the first base man on the Oriel's team hit the ball. It went over the sign above the stands and Emmett used his vampire powers to jump up and catch the ball successfully. "Idiot." Rosalie muttered. Then all of a sudden Emmett jumped out of the stands and dug a hole still holding the ball. 20 minutes later Emmett met his wife at the Cullen's elegant home.

Emmett ran up to his room and Edward came out side next to Rose.

"looks like Emmett had an idea." he said looking at the giant mole hole looking thing in the front yard. "Esme is going to be mad." he added. "Yup" she said shaking her head. "That idiot." Edward mumbled. "Yeah well he's my idiot." she sighed walking toward her and Emmet's room to pry that ball away from him, but when she tried he fought back unsuccessfully. "Nooooo! Not my baby!" he cried. "Oh! I have an idea!" he suddenly busted out. "oh great!" Rosalie cried sarcastically throwing the ball in the air. Emmett caught it and started mumbling "My precious I will never lose you again." like golem from lord of the rings as Rosalie walked out.

Well that's it! Emmett is so much like me * sniffles* I am

so proud! --------------------------------------------------------------------

Cookie question the first person to give me the right answer will get the next chapter dedicated to him/her and will be in the next chapter!

Okay here it is : who where having this conversation? in what book? Why?

"no I didn't fight with Jacob. much. Why?"

" I was just wondering why you stabbed him. Not that I object."

Okay so there it! It's very obvious! don't 4get 2 review!


	2. Drunk Bella

And sorry for not updating sooner! Okay I had a three reviews but this one came first So yeah this chapter is dedicated to MJAlikat! So yeah MJ! Keep trying people!

So here we are drunk Bella!

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Em pov.

"Bye Rosie! Bye my other peeps!" I called out to the rest of the family. They are going hunting so Jazz and I are going to watch Belly! () "come on Jazz we have to go pick up Bella!" "Coming!" Jazz called coming down the stairs pulling a black t-shirt on.

Once he got down we jumped into my jeep and drove to Belly's.

"We should come back later she is obviously still sleeping" Jasper whispered pointing to her house which still had the lights off. " Naw just follow me!" I said pulling him up the side of the house. I jumped into her window and onto her bed.

"Emmett what .." Jazz whispered before I cut him off.

"start jumping." "wha?" "just jump" "okay" he answered shrugging, and we both started jumping.

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B pov.

I was dreaming that I was on a trampoline. I wasn't jumping but someone was making me bounce. It was weird. Next thing I knew someone started calling me. It sounded like Emmett and Jasper. "Bellsie" "Bellsie" "BELLSIE!!!!" They called out.

I opened my eyes to see Emmett and Jasper bouncing on my bed! "What do you two think you are doing?!" I yelled pushing them off my bed. I know I am a human but don't make me mad in the morning. Matter of fact don't mess with me at all in the morning. I am NOT a morning person…at all.

Jasper looked clueless but also like he was having fun, still bouncing on my bed and Emmett looked like he was having a blast. He also had a mischievous grin.

What are those two up to this time?

"Well… everyone went hunting and we were assigned to baby sit you!" Emmett exclaimed. "Okay well let me have a human moment and I will go eat and then we can go." I said walking away. "Okay we will be in the kitchen." Emmett called after me and then looked at Jasper and his grin got even wider. He started whispering to him and Jasper got a grin too.

I don't want to know what those two are up too. I don't even want to know.

After I finished taking a shower I quickly brushed through my hair putting it in a pony tail then I threw on a light blue shirt that said bite me with a smiley winking at you that had vampire teeth and a pair of light wash jeans, black converse with flowers and diamonds and a silver necklace with a heart dangling from it and a bracelet with a whole bunch of bangles hooked together.(A.N outfit on profile)

As you can tell Alice had totally redone my closet.

As I was pulling on my bracelet I smelled something burning. I ran down stairs to see Emmett and Jasper covered with flour and eggs.

"what are you guys doing!" I yelled turning off the stove. "Well we thought we could make you some pancakes." Jasper and Emmett stated simply.

You guys clean this up and I by the time I get back I want this kitchen to be spotless!" I yelled walking up the stairs. I turned the computer on and while it was loading I would brush my teeth. As I was rinsing out my mouth I heard the computer ding saying that it was finished loading. I spit out the water and walked over to it to check my E-mails.

I had two. one from mom and one from Angela.

Mom's said

Bella,

Why haven't you been e-mailing me!

Any way today Phil and I went scuba diving and we saw many beautiful things. You should have been there! So how's Edward and your relationship going? Tell him I said hi.

Love,

Mom

I quickly Emailed her back saying,

Mom,

No need to get hasty, sorry I haven't e-mailed you lately I have been busy.

Our relationship has been good. I will tell him you said hi.

Love,

Bella

I decided that I would get back to Angela later.

When I got down stairs everything was intact so I turned to the two goof balls and said "Okay what are we doing today?" "Well lets go to our house and play guitar hero!" Emmett yelled bouncing. Jasper and I both just shrugged our shoulders and got into Emmett's jeep.

When we got to the Cullen mansion my phone started ringing. I looked at the caller ID and saw that it was Angela. "Hey guys I am going to go to Edward's room so I can take this call" I said walking into the house.

Em. pov.

As soon as Bella got up the stairs I got out a cook book and looked for a recipe for cookies. "Em, what are you doing?" Jasper asked cautiously. "Well since we ruined Belly's breakfast I am going to make her cookies." I stated closing the book there where no cookie recipes in there so I guess I will have to go old school. "Whatever." Jasper mumbled walking out of the kitchen.

Hmm, what do humans like? Oh! I know! I should get Bella drunk/ sugar highed. I grabbed a bowl and put in 7 eggs. what else? Uh.. Oh! I put in a whole bag of sugar, then I found some flour and put half a bag of it in there, then 10 bags of chocolate chips and some hmm what else uh…look vodka! I poured in 3 bottles of vodka. Beer! I put in 12 cans of beer then a bottle of wine and 3 bottles of captain Morgan. Where did I put that candy stash I stole from that little 10 year old? I put 16 jolly ranchers, 12 Mr. good bars, 16 crunch bars, 14 bags of mms, 12 boxes of milk duds, 13 bags of skittles, 12 Twix bars, 17 Kit Kat bars, and 19 bags of whoppers on a cutting board and smashed then with a smashy, sticky, thingy and poured it into the bowl.

Now the last touches I ran to Carlisle's medicine cabinet and grabbed every thing that didn't say something about sleeping and smashed it and put that in the bowl. Oh! This will be FUNNY! I mixed everything together and poured it on a tray and stuck it in the oven for 20 minutes.

When I started pulling the tray out of the oven Bella came down the stairs.

B. pov. Right before she comes down the stairs

"Hey, Angela I have got to go, I'm with Jasper and Emmett and I have a feeling they are going to get into trouble if I don't get to them soon so I am going to see what the two goofballs are up to so I will call you back soon. Bye."

"Bye."

I shut my phone and went down stairs. When I got to the bottom I saw Emmett with a tray of cookies.

"Emmett! I thought I said you can't cook!"

"But Bellsie! I felt sorry for ruining your breakfast so I made you cookies! Try one! Please!!!" he asked with the most innocent face. "Okay…" I said skeptically taking one. It was really good so I ate the whole tray!

Em. pov.

Bella ate the whole tray! She is going to sit down. I wonder how long it is going to take her to get all drunk and sugar high. Oh! Wait she is getting up… "Jazzykinz where is my waffles!" Bella called out stumbling to a drunk looking Jasper. Oh! All of Bella's drunk emotions are getting to Jasper! His is going to be good!

"I don't know Bellsie! But I think the pineapples are dancing!" Jasper called stumbling towards Bella.

"I want to kiss a grape and go to walopazada ,Jazzy! Take me there!" Bella called.

"Okay!" Jasper slurred out grabbing Bella bride style, running into a wall!

"Jasper! I want to go to care a lot and hug a care bare!"

"Oh! We can play with champ!" Jasper slurred out!

Just then a girl from my school walked in. I think her name was MJ.

"Sup guys what you doing?" she asked me looking at Jazz and Bella running around the house calling out random care bear names and hugging random things.

"Well, I made Bella and Jasper cookies that had a whole bunch of alcohol and sugar and now they are both drunk and sugar high." I told her. I couldn't tell her jazz felt Bella's emotions because MJ was a human.

"Oh okay…" she trailed off.

Next thing she knew Bella yelled "Hey look it's sleepy bear!" slurring pointing her arm at MJ.

Bella and Jasper started chasing her around the house and when Jazz caught her ha gave her a big sloppy kiss and let her go.

"WOW!" MJ yelled. "I..I ..I've got to go.." she stumbled out.

She ran out the door and I heard her call her friend and yelled "Jasper freaking Hale kissed me OMG! He is sooo hot!" then she sighed and left.

Well then what to do?

Just then the rest of my family walked into through the door.

"! WHAT HAVE YOU DONE!" Bella was pointing at him saying "cute care bear! Mommy can I have him pweeaasse!" she said pointing at Edward and giving me a puppy dog look. I guess she thought I was mom. Hehehe!

"Sure honey you can have it." I said in a sweet girly voice.

She hugged Edward and said "Mommy I can't pick him up!"

"

!" uh-oh It looks like I'm in deep doggie doodoo! Oh well!

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Ok srry 4 taking so long 2 update!

K time 4 the cookie question.

Who this? What is she talking about? When? Where? Why? What book?

"Get him OUT!" she screamed. "He can't BREATHE! Do it NOW!"

Don't 4get 2 review! =D


	3. Help!

Pple review!! I need some ideas!!! My mind is blank!! Help and review please!!!!!!!!!!!!???


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